Thursday, October 29, 2009 (2:43 AM)
I dunno what's been happening recently. Or rather the past week or past few days, seriously.
Are you angry with me?
Because I know you constantly check my blog, so I hope you are reading this.
With reference to the above question, I feel intimidated when eveytime I try to look at you or when our eyes meet briefly, you look with this really angry expression on my face. So it keeps me wondering whether I've done something wrong which is of offence to you. If I did, I'm really sorry. If I did, can you please tell me what I did wrong? Because I want to know, since I don't know myself. I'm the imperfct person. I've kept in mind, what you told me, about my attitude and emotions. And yes, you can call me desperate, because I am desperate, to know why why why you look at me with that fierce expression, or why you are angry with me. I texted you, but you didn't reply. And I don't think your phone is spoilt or anything. I tried asking the others, whether you are angry with me, I get the same answer dunno. Tomorrow's the last day of school. I don't want it to end off in na low note, so even if you hate me, or don't regard me as your good friend anymore, just please please please tell me what I've done wrong of offence to you, and what my problem is. Please, this is really the ast favour I would ask of you this year. I don't want to leave school and just know nothing, or take it like nothing happen, because you are thinkin' something. But, if I did do anything wrong, Sorry. But just grant me that favour. PLEASE. I'm a desperate shit, I ask for it. And, I still trust you with my life and you are still my best buddy.
Have you ever wondered, how it feels like to have your best friends all along, and suddenly they are not there? And you can't voice it out to them, because people will think it's such a hypocritic action. It's really heart-breaking to see that you regard one as a best friend, but that person might not regard you anymore. To me, it's obviously like losing a really treasured friend. You hardly talk to me anymore, like seriously. Eveyday in school, and it has been for quite a long while already, you don't tell me things directly, or have long conversations with me, and I came to a realisation that, through the way you act around others, that I cannot trust you anymore. You might think that 'oh I don't care lah. she think like that is also not my fault', but it's a really really great blow to me. And now, I can only tell myself that I just lost you as a best friend, and I wished that I've had striked a better relationship with you.
Soemtimes, you don't care about others, only wanting to satisfy your needs. I'm referring to another individual. I'm sorry, AND I MEAN IT WITH MY SINCERITY, AND I KNOW THAT YOU DO NOT KNOW THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY LIKE THIS OR YOU DON"T MEAN IT, but it seems that my closest friends, have all dispersed from me, and they are probably your best friends now? To be honest, I feel scared to talk to you sometimes, and everytime when I do, I always do actually have a cautious line on what to say and what not to say. Actually, this has been for a long time already, I think it's just that you are not aware of it. In conclusion, I am actually scared of you. Even when I'm writing on my own blog, even when I'm not sure whether you know it or not, I am watching what I'm writing down. And I can never tell you how I feel, because your answer is constantly 'dun care lah. she wan like that, she can be like that. not like we ask her to be like this. we never even say she cannot to this so and so' It's a pattern you know, and if I'm offending you, I'm sincerely apologizing. I think it's because you were probably never in the situation I am in now, so you don't feel it. I don't blame you, maybe it's also your personality. However, like I said, sometimes you don't consider others, but inflict hurt upon what you say.
All: If you know who you are, I'm deeply sorry for what I've said, what I've done, What effects I've inflicted. This is my thoughts, I just really wanna write it all down, so it won't keep on be stuck in my head daylong. I just want my favour to be fulfilled.
